Anxiety returns

I haven't written much about anxiety here on my blog. Thankfully these days it isn't a huge problem, well that was until last week.

My bodies favourite party trick is to pass out, mostly when there is something slightly squiffy going on with my stomach. It happened enough to get noticed when I was a kid and in very particular episodes since I've been an adult.

A few years ago I was quite unwell but had to walk my daughter to the end of the road to hand her over to someone else to take her to school. I made it almost all the way home before collapsing on the pavement. That episode sparked a year of pretty intense anxiety relating to leaving the house on my own.

Well, I've been feeling squiffy for a couple of weeks, nothing major, just stomach pain, nausea, and quite frankly I'm getting bored of it now. I roped in others to help with the school run when I actually felt like passing out was a possibility, but last Friday I felt alright, nauseous and in pain, but alright. That was until I really wasn't alright. I found myself laying on the floor at the school gate watching the other parents filter past me (I may have made that sound a little more dramatic than it was). Luckily a group of my friends were there and promptly got me a lift home and collected the kids. Sorted.

Except now, I'm still not right, still nauseous, generally not 100% and really rather anxious about the school gate.

I am a compulsively early person which means I often spend great chunks of time waiting at the school gate. This week I have tried very very hard to leave later and be "on time" but still found myself early. This afternoon I arrived 4 mins before the gate opened and it took every trick I know not to have a full blown panic attack. Which is utterly ridiculous.

I've come home tired, fed up of feeling ill and quite stressed about how this anxiety is escalating.

Anyway, there isn't really a point to this except to let people know where I am at so they can distract me when I undoubtedly continue to arrive early.