Grand Plans #1 Kayaking

You may remember I started this year with some grand plans. Well now they are more than just plans!

I managed to rope in a couple of good friends and did a kayaking taster session in a local pool! It was great fun, hard work, but fun! I seemed to survive it with only a handful of days of payback fatigue, which is great!
We were invited down to have a go in the sea on a weekend, but I think we will save that for the warmer months!

Next on the list is rock climbing, I've found an indoor center we can do a taster session at and have friends at the ready to come too. However I am experiencing a minor setback due to a nasty virus so I'm not too sure when I will be up for this, but fingers crossed it will be sometime in March. I can't wait!

Also on the list was a Leeds Castle Segway experience. I've had this on my wishlist for a couple of years so when I saw a voucher for it on Groupon the other day I just had to book it! So yay, that will have to happen before the end of May!!!

As for tattoos, I now know exactly what I would like, where I would like it and have a good idea of who is going to do it for me. Will need to save up some pennies for those though, and figure out the logistics, not knowing how I will react to it, but that is a huge step forward!

My friends have decided there should be a new experience every month, so we might need to come up with even more ideas, watch this space!

Grand Plans

This post could also be titled "Bucket list" or "Resolutions".

This is the time of year where people think about resolutions and what they wish to achieve in the coming months. I've been thinking for a while now about things I would like to achieve. The trouble with spending most of my time at home and alone is you have far too much time to think, so I am going to try to do something about that.

I am going to work on a list of things I have always wanted to do because I've decided that if I never write the list then the things will never happen, but some of these things are definitely achievable! Also this year I am going to work on going out more and generally being less hermit like.

In the last 6 months my health has improved in leaps and bounds so fingers crossed I can continue to improve which will give me even more chance of achieving some of my goals!

The biggest things I would like to work towards won't happen this year, but they will go on the list anyway just to keep them in sight.

Ok here goes!

- Kick scoot the south coast (all along the sea front from Kent to Cornwall) this is a biggie and will require a lot of planning, energy and stamina. It won't happen this year, but I can start laying the foundations.

- Lapland, New Zealand, New York...
- Jersey isles, Norfolk, Pembroke, Scotland, Lake District... I could write a long list of places I would like to visit at home & abroad...

More achievable ones...

- Kayaking
- Snow tubing
- Indoor rock climbing
- Segway Leeds castle
- Shooting a handgun in a range
- Getting a new tattoo (or 2)
- Dancing - would really love to get back to dancing
- Reliving after school cricket practices with Mr R. (Happy memories)
- Having a go on a ski-doo
- Having a go on a jet ski

I intend to keep adding to this list as well as ticking things off, wish me luck!

@#*$€*%#¥$*

I often find myself writing these posts when I'm not feeling so good so I'm going to begin by talking about how good the last 2 months have been.

I've just had the most active summer I have had in years. When the kids were off school we went out everyday on their bikes, to the park to the beach and on the weekends when Ben was home we ventured further afield, exploring castles, different beaches, towns. It was wonderful to be able to do so much!

Since the girls went back to school 3 weeks ago I've been able to sort through the house, garage, loft, finally sorting through years worth of junk, getting rid of tons and re organising what's left. Putting finishing touches to rooms. I cannot begin to describe how satisfying this has been.

But then I caught a cold, I pushed through for a week and carried on, but this last week I have had an almighty crash. I have no energy, mega brain fog, my body temp is all over the place, I've got a horrid headache I can't shift and have been feeling nauseous all week. 

I haven't had any choice but to give in and rest as best I can. It is just so frustrating, infuriating, depressing, not knowing how long this crash will last. Will I wake up fine tomorrow or is this back to square one for total rebuild?

Yes that sounds pessimistic but it is hard not to be. 

I had been doing so well I had even started thinking about the possibility of working again. I haven't worked in almost 8 years. 

I'll stop my moaning now, everyone has bad days, mine are nothing special. Please send positive thoughts my way and excuse my general on another planetness. 

Electric Mayhem!

You may remember Kermit, Kermit was my lifeline when my eldest started school. It was the only way I could ferry her to and from school. It was a way to get out of the house without being reliant on others.
For a very long time even with the help of Kermit I was still a quivering wreck by the end of the week most weeks.

Kermit spent 3 years with us doing the school run, but with both girls there now and getting bigger (now 7&5) it was becoming apparent that they were getting too big to be on the back.

So back to the drawing board we went. I am a lot better (most of the time) than I was 3 years ago when we got Kermit, but I'm still not up to the walk on a twice daily basis and still have big ups and downs. I wasn't keen on an electric bicycle, still don't want a mobility scooter or a car... Hmm, how about a scooter, an electric one at that?

Well first I ordered one of those "electric scooters" which are basically a kids scooter. It took me a whole 100yrds before it gave up. Then I ordered the adult version which weighed in at 40kgs and quite frankly looked scary, so we sent that back. 

Then I came across adult kick scooters. It was a revelation. Basically a bicycle that you stand on, so I challenged my husband to convert one to electric for me! 

We had lots of hurdles a false start or two, but I have now been riding around on it since the end of July!

My girls discovered a love of cycling this summer and together we racked up about 80 miles through the holidays, it was amazing to be able to leave the house with them and for them to come back more tired than me (well once maybe)!

Now school has started back the girls can ride, scoot or walk to school and I can safely ride along behind them keeping them safe, perfect!
I'm not sure how enthusiastic they will be when the cold wet weather sets in, but we will cross that bridge when we come to it.

So Kermit has now gone to a new home where it is still getting plenty of use and is much loved by the new owners.

So without further ado let me introduce "Electric Mayhem"!

M.E. Awareness Month

May is ME Awareness month, more specifically May 12th is ME Awareness day. 

This is the time when many ME sufferers do a giant push of fundraising and awareness building. This year there are many fundraising ideas out there, but I couldn't decide what to do.

Shall I be a princess? #teamprincess

Should I shave my head? 

Oh hang on, I did that one.

Or how about a superhero? #undiesontheoutside

I could wear my ME Association attire...

Or I could GO BLUE! #goblueforME

As you can see I have had a play with all of the above (it was a lot of fun!)

In case you missed it, last May I was a princess, and back in September I shaved my head, all to raise funds for the ME Association and awareness of this horrible illness.

Why you ask? Because I have personally given 6 years of my life to ME. Others have given far more. There is currently no cure for ME, and no reliable treatment plan. Funding for research, support and generally more understanding is much needed.

So please share this blog, my fundraising page https://www.justgiving.com/goblue and as many of my photos that you see. I want as many people as possible out there to know what M.E. is.

Anxiety

Anxiety.

A year ago I didn't really know what anxiety was. Now I am all too aware.

It is getting worse and I don't know how to stop it.

I feel I am turning into a hermit.

It is not there all the time, but I feel it every time I have to leave the house under my own steam, or do something out of the ordinary.

Today I had to go into town. I had a cheque to bank and annoyingly my bank is not open on the weekends. Just thinking about this addition to my day was making me anxious. It took a great deal to pack my bag ready to leave the house and half way there I had an overwhelming urge to turn around and go home. But I kept telling myself "don't be stupid" "you can do this" "it is only a trip to the shops".

I made it into town 40mins before the bank opened. The coffee shop was open so I bought a mocha and a packet of pecan pies which I took to the beach. As a rule i don't have caffeine and highly restrict sugar, but felt I needed some courage. Of course the actual effect was a shaky high which probably didn't help.

I ran my errands came home and collapsed on the sofa where I don't want to move from any time soon. I watched what I thought was a kids film and cried.

I am pale as a sheet, dizzy and very glad I don't have to go out again today.

How do I make this anxiety go away? This is not me.

I used to love going out. I used to walk and walk and walk, always, I loved it. If I walk more than half a mile now the pain and fatigue are all encompassing.

This is me.

This is me, take me or leave me.

I am a shy person who occasionally does bold things like dye my hair blue, or shave it all off.

I took GCSE drama, performed in the school choir, and love to dance, yet one of the things I hate most is getting up in front of people and being noticed.

I also hate talking on the telephone and do avoid it as much as possible (apologies to those who do try to phone me).

I like wearing unshapely comfy clothes, which yes mostly come from the men's section in the clothes store, and yes tend to make me look boyish - especially with the shaved head. This does not mean I wish I were a boy, I just like to be comfy and I value that more than being accepted.

I do not wear makeup. Once upon a time I did try. I didn't like it. I think people are beautiful as they are and there is no need to paint on a face for the world to see. However I can appreciate why people like it, and that some use it to hide behind. I hide behind my sunglasses, I feel slightly uneasy on really dark days or rainy days when I can't wear them.

Vanity is a stress I do not need in my life. 

I'm beginning to learn that wherever I am (my home excluded) I always feel a little out of place, that is just me. 

As an adult I'm still not sure how to make friends. When the kids were younger I'd instigate play dates, but how does it work when they are at school? I chat to people online all the time, that is easy, but in real life? I struggle... I feel awkward and chat does not flow. I guess this will get easier with practice.

I like doing nice things for people. I like giving gifts when they are unexpected or needed rather than when it is appropriate to. I have just joined a Happy Mail group which I hope will open my eyes to new ways in which I can make people happy.

I feel like I am writing to justify myself, which isn't needed, but I'm writing it anyway.