Anxiety.
A year ago I didn't really know what anxiety was. Now I am all too aware.
It is getting worse and I don't know how to stop it.
I feel I am turning into a hermit.
It is not there all the time, but I feel it every time I have to leave the house under my own steam, or do something out of the ordinary.
Today I had to go into town. I had a cheque to bank and annoyingly my bank is not open on the weekends. Just thinking about this addition to my day was making me anxious. It took a great deal to pack my bag ready to leave the house and half way there I had an overwhelming urge to turn around and go home. But I kept telling myself "don't be stupid" "you can do this" "it is only a trip to the shops".
I made it into town 40mins before the bank opened. The coffee shop was open so I bought a mocha and a packet of pecan pies which I took to the beach. As a rule i don't have caffeine and highly restrict sugar, but felt I needed some courage. Of course the actual effect was a shaky high which probably didn't help.
I ran my errands came home and collapsed on the sofa where I don't want to move from any time soon. I watched what I thought was a kids film and cried.
I am pale as a sheet, dizzy and very glad I don't have to go out again today.
How do I make this anxiety go away? This is not me.
I used to love going out. I used to walk and walk and walk, always, I loved it. If I walk more than half a mile now the pain and fatigue are all encompassing.
