It's a small world

Having M.E is like living in a very small world.

Often with M.E. your whole world is your house. Anything outside it is scary and out of bounds. And even then a lot of things inside your house you cannot do. It is frustrating, you can see all of these things that you want to do, but know that you can't. 

It's hard looking at jobs knowing you could have achieved all of them in a day when you were well, but knowing it will take a month or longer to do the same jobs now.

If you are unlucky enough to have severe M.E then your whole world is very small, probably only as big as your room. 

At the moment my whole world is my house, and the school run. On a good day the beach might be a possibility and on a really good day, or knowing I need to but that there will be payback my local shops might get a visit. 

Even with my slightly expanded world I still find anything outside the house a little scary. 

I have had to find a way to look around the house and prioritise. There are always things that have to be done everyday, there are other jobs that can wait till tomorrow and there are hundreds more jobs waiting for some other time (or other person) to do them!

I am still getting better, but progress is slow. 1 step forwards 2 steps back is how it feels at the moment. But all I have to do is think back to a year ago to see that I AM getting better.

Me time

Today was my youngest daughters first day at preschool. It was the first time she has ever been without either me or her dad.
She was brave, took it in her stride and I am very proud of her.

So from now on I get 2 and a half days a week without either child. The first time for me I have had in 5 years!

It was very odd leaving her there today and walking around without her leading the way, I suppose I will get used to it, but it will take a while.

So, what am I going to do with this new found time?
Today was only 2 hours, and I didn't dare leave the grounds, so I sat in the children's centre making paracord keyrings & bracelets, and cutting out various bits and bobs the staff there sent my way (it was very busy in there today).
I picked up some forms while I was there with the idea of volunteering some Monday mornings, when I read the form it made me laugh. I need 2 references who are not friends or family... I haven't worked in 5 years. My last direct boss was my husband, though I may still be able to find someone at the company who would vouch for me. For my second reference I would have to go back 8 years. How on earth could any reference from either of these bosses be at all relevant to volunteering at a children's centre?
The staff at the centre have seen me pretty much every week for the last 5 years (with a little gap when we moved away), surely if they don't know me no one does?

So, tomorrow I have from 8.45am until 3.15pm with no children. It is going to be so strange.
I know I need to not do too much, but at the same time there is soooooo much that I could do! I have orders that need making, many projects that need starting. A house which needs organising, tidying, cleaning.

The thing I am most looking forward to doing is listening to some of my music, loud, and singing without being told to stop by one of the children, or dragged off to help with the toilet or to stop an argument.

I will try very hard not to do too much else. It will be so easy to overdo it and be useless for the rest of the week.

I AM getting better and this free time could give me just the rest I need to boost my recovery - well here's to hoping anyway!