Flare

I appear to be having what I am going to call an ME flare. Which I would say is worse than a crash but not as bad as a relapse.

I did far too much through December. I ignored the odd symptom that reared it's head and I pushed through. I did this because I was having a glimpse of a "normal" life and I wanted it to be mine. And now I really wish I hadn't!

I started feeling the onset of this "flare" before Christmas but I continued to push on. It wasn't until the kids went back to school that it has really begun to take hold. Three weeks on and I still feel like I am getting worse not better, I am getting different symptoms coming back everyday.

I have had enough of feeling sorry for myself. I have been utterly miserable the last few weeks. Feeling this illness grab a hold of me again, I can't even begin to describe how that feels, having been doing so well.

I have been beating myself up about it over and over again (which of course only makes it worse). One of the ways in which I've been beating myself up has been pushing my friends and any help offered away. I've been deliberately not engaging in conversation, avoiding eye contact. Partly because any sympathy offered is likely to make me cry and I don't have the energy for that!

But as I said I have had enough of feeling sorry for myself! I need to regain my positivity. Remember how to pace from square one again, how to look after myself. And most of all how to BEAT THIS!

I CAN DO THIS!

Send me strength and spoons x

New Year - New You?

Tis the season for re-evaluating life, figuring out what is important and if/how things need to change.

I have just had possibly the busiest December since I stopped working pantomimes. Looking back it is mostly a blur and I now feel worse than I have in months.

To the extent that during December many old symptoms returned like over sensitivities - on one particular day I actually wanted to pull my hair out, so I shaved it off instead. My sleep patterns have become disturbed again, with night sweats, many many dreams and early hours waking. Not to mention some brand new symptoms. So it is definitely time now to rest and try and find my way back to a better place.

It was my birthday yesterday. As a rule I like birthdays, but I don't like having a birthday on January 3rd. The lull after Christmas is never fun, everyone getting back to work, bad weather. So first change, perhaps from now on I should celebrate my birthday in July?

Second change. I enjoy crafting, but I don't enjoy selling. I didn't much enjoy the craft fairs I did in December. I found them stressful to prepare for and to participate in. So perhaps this year all art and craft should be souly for myself. Which leaves me with the slight conundrum of what to do with the stock that didn't sell - but I see many random acts of kindness, abandoning projects in their future, which makes me happy.

I plan to revisit art journalling and give bullet journalling a go.

This time last year I wrote a bucket list, over the course of the year I ticked off kayaking, Segway at Leeds castle and made a start on my epic kickscoot the coast. I think I need to update the list with new ideas but I would like to tick a few more items off the list this year, perhaps rock climbing and snow tubing?

I would also like to get further in my scoot. So far I have covered 111 miles and have got to Bexhill-On-Sea.  The rest of the journey is going to be far slower progress the further away I get but I am very much looking forward to the challenge.

I discovered geocaching last year. I knew about before, but had never given it a try. I am still very much a beginner, but it has taken us as a family to places we wouldn't otherwise have visited and given us more time together and outside having fun. So this year my aim is to do more of this. There is a very social local group so I hope to join them for some get togethers too.

Accountability

A wise lady keeps reminding me that I need to be accountable for my health. I need to put my aims out there, tell the world, let people know what I am trying to achieve and who knows maybe others can then help me, spur me on, encourage the changes I need to make?

My health has come along way in the last year but there is so much more I could be doing to help myself. My diet has gone miles down hill since new shops opened a very short scoot from my house. More and more often I'm "treating" myself, rewarding myself for the trip to the shops, or for a job well done, or just because it's Monday...

This needs to change.

I would also like to incorporate some gentle exercise into my routine, but this is far trickier than managing my diet. I have to factor in pacing and recovery time. I used to love exercise. I used to walk everywhere. I still miss playing cricket and badminton. But aside from the logistics of getting back into sports it is also unrealistic.

So, things I can do to help myself;

• Meal plan,
• Stop "treating" myself,
• Walk a little more of the school run,
• Take the basketball to the court once a week,
• Make daily stretches part of my routine.

Right, that's it, that is me being accountable, let's see if it works!

**Edit**

Having thought a bit more about this through the night I realise all of the above are targets for physical health, but mental health is just as important so perhaps I need to set targets there as well.

I have a very quiet life during the week usually, and I really do not crave a busy life, but a little more interaction with the outside world which doesn't happen via my phone screen would be nice. The highlight of my social week is the school run and some days that can come and go with barely a word spoken.

So perhaps I need to put myself out there. Not be scared of other people's busy lives. Ask the people I want to spend time with if they are free. Who knows I might be surprised?

This is probably the hardest target of all those set above.

All of this has come about from a bad week mentally and physically. Funny how bad times give you the encouragement for change.

Kickscoot The Coast: Winchelsea - Bexhill-On-Sea

Winchelsea - Bexhill-On-Sea

I am doing this scoot to raise awareness and funds for the ME Association so if you would like to you can sponsor me here.

Here are the links to the previous sections of this trek;
Whitstable - Broadstairs
Broadstairs - Walmer
Walmer - Capel-le-ferne
Capel-le-ferne - Littlestone
Littlestone - Rye

I didn't think I was going to get a scoot in this weekend, the weather forecast for Hastings yesterday was winds up to 60mph, torrential rain, then today wasn't supposed to be much better, but I checked the forecast this morning and it said 18mph winds and sunshine so I thought why not!

I started by skipping ahead just a little, I ended my last scoot in Rye which is a fair way inland and I wanted to start today by the sea! So please excuse my naughtiness, though I'm so glad I did it!

The start of my scoot was down a very windy stretch of road below a bank shielding me from the sea, after that I came face to face with my first hill. There were quite a few long winding, fairly steep hills. I didn't want to waste my battery by making the scooter work hard up these hills so I walked and it showed me just how fit I am not! My lungs were burning with the effort! It made me think "Why am I doing this again"? However it did warm me up and my multiple layers kept the warmth in for the rest of the scoot so I didn't get too cold!

Since my last scoot I have finally invested in a handlebar mount for my phone, so this is the first scoot I have done without having to stop and look at the map! It made such a difference, I wish I had started my adventure with it! Although my phone is also my camera, so it was a bit of a palava everytime I wanted to take a photo, but I percerviered and think I got some nice shots.

The joy of having to go up all these hills is that the view was spectacular and then of course you get to go back down the other side! Very carefully because I only have a front brake (must get a back brake fitted).

Once at the bottom of all the hills I found myself on Hastings seafront, which was very busy, people everywhere who were completely oblivious to cycles of any kind! I stopped here and had a chat with someone about my scooter and I took the opportunity to tell him all about the challenge I have set myself.

The next stage was wonderful, one of the nicest stretches of seafront so far. Possibly the prettiest cycle path I've ever traveled on too. A variety of interesting sculptures, lots of happy families out enjoying the sunshine.

Gorgeous sunshine bouncing off of the crashing waves, just beautiful, made me think "Yes! This is why I am doing this".

Next I found myself in Bexhill-On-Sea, I knew I was almost out of battery and that my family were somewhere nearby, so I stopped here. It felt like a good place to start next time, on a nice coastal path right by the beach.

The kids had spent the entire time in Edgerton Park which they happily took me to once we had had some lunch. This is an AMAZING park! Lots of lovely equipment and beautiful sculptures to see. I think they will enjoy coming back here when I head off for the next part of my epic adventure.

Oh yes and to top my day off I stopped right on the front to take a panoramic of the sea and a lovely lady came up to me to tell me how much she loved my hair, this made my day! I love when people go out of their way to compliment others especially if it is a genuine compliment to someone they don't even know.

Driving back tonight at 6pm has made me realise just how far I have come with my health over the last 4 years. 4½ years ago I vividly remember a family outing to KFC, I was driven from home to KFC where we ate then driven home and it floored me, I was exhausted before we had even left the house, but it was a special treat for the kids as they had been stuck inside with me being unwell for sometime. Skip to today, 2 hours running around the house making lunches, 1 hour drive, 1½ hours scooting/walking, 1½ hours in the park 1 hour drive, dinner out then ½ hour back home. I am still standing. I will probably have to write off most of the week as I will hardly be able to move for a day or so and energy levels will be very low, but still what an improvement!

Kickscoot the Coast: Littlestone - Rye

Littlestone - Rye.

Today I bombed through the first 5 miles to Dungeness as my family were waiting there to take photos.

I really like Dungeness and wish I had gone slower and stopped more through the reserve. I find it feels almost like a film set, like a land that time forgot. It is so vast and sparse with sporadic boat wrecks and interesting things to look at. One day I will go back and explore properly.

I was pretty sure looking at my map that I could go in on one road and out on another path, though once there it wasn't obvious but I did find my way. 

There is a footpath that runs around the perimeter of the power station and took me uncomfortably close to the hum, I followed before ducking through a gate and onto the main entrance road to the power station.

This was a fun road, large, well maintained and virtually traffic free!

This took me back onto the main road to Lydd. Once I had negotiated Lydd I then found myself on a lovely road side byway, which passed by many beautiful lakes and ponds, until I reached the sea wall just outside of Camber.

There was a fair wind blowing today and the sea was very rough - I told the kids not to bother as it was not a good day for building sandcastles, they were very dissapointed.

On the way out of Camber I found another lovely roadside byway, which then jumped across the main road and through a field before bringing me into Rye!

My battery had pretty much run out and I needed to stop for lunch, so this is where I finished my ride today.

We had a little wonder around the town and a play in the park before heading for home.

I think I might get one more scoot in before I have to think about the logistics of staying away as I get further down the coast.

For my next scoot I will start at Winchelsea as that is the next seaside part and that is what it is all about!

If you would like to you can sponsor me here.

Here are the links to the previous sections of this trek;
Whitstable - Broadstairs
Broadstairs - Walmer
Walmer - Capel-le-ferne
Capel-le-ferne - Littlestone

Kickscoot The Coast: Capel-le-ferne - Littlestone

Capel-le-ferne to Littlestone

Whoever thought it could be so difficult to get from Capel-le-ferne to Folkstone seafront! I started by following the cycle route 2 sign which took me down a tiny road with stunning views but at the end of that road there were no more signs! 

It took the best part of an hour to find my way down to the harbour, I must find a good handlebar mount for my phone so I don't have to keep stopping to check the map.

Eventually I did make it back to the coast and had a blissful couple of miles of coastal path before having to negotiate roads again in Hythe. Again the cycle route signs failed me, but I knew that route 2 at this point was going to go inland and bypass Dymchurch which I didn't want to do anyway, so after a brief stint by the canal I braved the footpath on the main road to Dymchurch, it was quite overgrown and I got pretty battered!

Once I found an entrance up on to the coastal walk outside of Dymchurch it was bliss! Wide flat paths, no cars, buses or branches and gorgeous sea views! By this point I could see my battery was running low so I didn't stop to take many photos. My battery gave out towards the end of this lovely path in Littlestone.

I had a stunning view while I ate my lunch and could see the lighthouses and power station tantalisingly close, but the map said that was another 5 miles away and I didn't want to push myself too much trying to get there, so next time...

If you would like to you can sponsor me here.

Here are the links to the previous sections of this trek;
Whitstable - Broadstairs
Broadstairs - Walmer
Walmer - Capel-le-ferne