Flare

I appear to be having what I am going to call an ME flare. Which I would say is worse than a crash but not as bad as a relapse.

I did far too much through December. I ignored the odd symptom that reared it's head and I pushed through. I did this because I was having a glimpse of a "normal" life and I wanted it to be mine. And now I really wish I hadn't!

I started feeling the onset of this "flare" before Christmas but I continued to push on. It wasn't until the kids went back to school that it has really begun to take hold. Three weeks on and I still feel like I am getting worse not better, I am getting different symptoms coming back everyday.

I have had enough of feeling sorry for myself. I have been utterly miserable the last few weeks. Feeling this illness grab a hold of me again, I can't even begin to describe how that feels, having been doing so well.

I have been beating myself up about it over and over again (which of course only makes it worse). One of the ways in which I've been beating myself up has been pushing my friends and any help offered away. I've been deliberately not engaging in conversation, avoiding eye contact. Partly because any sympathy offered is likely to make me cry and I don't have the energy for that!

But as I said I have had enough of feeling sorry for myself! I need to regain my positivity. Remember how to pace from square one again, how to look after myself. And most of all how to BEAT THIS!

I CAN DO THIS!

Send me strength and spoons x