Blog move

Just a quick note for anyone who follows this blog, it has now moved to a new host, you can find it here if you wish to continue reading my ramblings!

https://wonkeyme.wordpress.com

Kickscoot The Coast: Bexhill-on-Sea - Birling Gap

Bexhill-on-Sea - Birling Gap

I am doing this scoot to raise awareness and funds for the ME Association so if you would like to you can sponsor me here.

Here are the links to the previous sections of this trek;
Whitstable - Broadstairs
Broadstairs - Walmer
Walmer - Capel-le-ferne
Capel-le-ferne - Littlestone
Littlestone - Rye
Winchelsea - Bexhill-On-Sea

It has been a very long time since my last scoot - 10 months I think.

I have had a pretty bad year health wise, January saw me go back to square one and have to rebuild my energy levels. I didn't start making headway with this until May. So unfortunately this has meant a pause in my journey.

Recently I've been getting restless and really wanted to push onward with my scoot. I was going to go last weekend, but then had to have a wisdom tooth pulled out which put a stopper on that idea.

To put energy into perspective a little, having my wisdom tooth removed pretty much wiped out 6 days!

So today was the day. I had a terrible night's sleep and woke feeling rubbish but sod it, this is something I want to do and I've reached my limit of resting and only doing small amounts.

Weather looked ok, no other plans, so off we went.

Let's just say the car journey to the beginning was an eventful one…

Back to Bexhill-on-sea! Which was just as lovely as I remembered it, albeit a tad stormy looking this morning.

The wind was against me but wasn't too strong and I pootled along nicely, dropping the odd special magnet along the way. Lots of roads today though around Pevancy so didn't catch many sights of the sea to start with.

Then as I approached Eastbourne it started to get very busy. I've never been to Eastbourne before so wasn't sure if this was normal, but seaside resort in August I figured it was bound to be a bit busy. It quickly got to a point where I couldn't safely scoot down the sea path so I moved onto the main roads, but they were jammed too...

At this point I discovered this weekend is the Eastbourne air show!

I abandoned my sea view and found my way deeper into the town to find some quieter roads/paths, followed signs for Beachy Head and was soon moving again, my scooter was now reading very low battery, but I was not going to stop without getting up to Beachy Head!

Next there was a lovely path winding down away from the town to a lush green field at the very bottom before the steep climb up to the top.

And my was that a climb!

I am particularly unfit at the moment after 8 months of mostly rest and that particular climb I feel would be hard work for anyone - not pushing a scooter!

The views were **stunning** and I got to watch a red arrows display while I stopped to eat my lunch half way up.

I had imagined Beachy Head would be a very quiet place, I thought I may meet the odd dog walker or tourist but that would be about it. I was about as wrong as I could possibly have been.

It was incredibly busy, cars and people everywhere! I had a large audience watch me huff and puff my way up that hill, they must have thought I was mad!

I was so pleased to have gotten to the top and to find a road again!

My scooter was now reading zero battery but Ben was a long way off in the car and anyway it was too busy for him to park, so I continued.

I am so glad I did, what amazing scenery! And what a wonderful downhill winding road.

I popped up to have a look at Belle Tout as it was not far out of the way and had a great view of Beachy Head lighthouse.

There was a sign here which said Birling Gap 20min walk, so off I went. Absolutely no phone signal at Birling Gap but somehow Ben found me and we headed off for a well earned dinner out.

I remembered to start Strava, but forgot to press stop so the figures aren't exactly accurate.

We are now very much at the point where we need to be staying away from home in order to continue as Ben and the kids spent 4.5 hours in the car today! I don't think I am fit enough to do 2 consecutive days scooting yet, so from here on in may take a very long time… You'll have the bear with me.

Anxiety returns

I haven't written much about anxiety here on my blog. Thankfully these days it isn't a huge problem, well that was until last week.

My bodies favourite party trick is to pass out, mostly when there is something slightly squiffy going on with my stomach. It happened enough to get noticed when I was a kid and in very particular episodes since I've been an adult.

A few years ago I was quite unwell but had to walk my daughter to the end of the road to hand her over to someone else to take her to school. I made it almost all the way home before collapsing on the pavement. That episode sparked a year of pretty intense anxiety relating to leaving the house on my own.

Well, I've been feeling squiffy for a couple of weeks, nothing major, just stomach pain, nausea, and quite frankly I'm getting bored of it now. I roped in others to help with the school run when I actually felt like passing out was a possibility, but last Friday I felt alright, nauseous and in pain, but alright. That was until I really wasn't alright. I found myself laying on the floor at the school gate watching the other parents filter past me (I may have made that sound a little more dramatic than it was). Luckily a group of my friends were there and promptly got me a lift home and collected the kids. Sorted.

Except now, I'm still not right, still nauseous, generally not 100% and really rather anxious about the school gate.

I am a compulsively early person which means I often spend great chunks of time waiting at the school gate. This week I have tried very very hard to leave later and be "on time" but still found myself early. This afternoon I arrived 4 mins before the gate opened and it took every trick I know not to have a full blown panic attack. Which is utterly ridiculous.

I've come home tired, fed up of feeling ill and quite stressed about how this anxiety is escalating.

Anyway, there isn't really a point to this except to let people know where I am at so they can distract me when I undoubtedly continue to arrive early.

ME Awareness Day 2018

Today is ME Awareness day as I'm sure you are well aware from all the posts I've been sharing.

I've been wondering all week what my blog today was going to be about. I had a couple of false starts and this morning decided that I didn't HAVE to write a blog just because it is awareness day. But then I was chatting to a friend and it suddenly became clear what I should write.

I've been reading over the last week a whole load of #millionsmissing posts, which is a marvelous campaign and I hope the various demonstrations around the world today have opened eyes. What I've learnt (though really knew anyway) from reading these posts is that I am lucky.

I am not bedbound, I am not housebound, tubefed, paralysed, unable to face light, sound, company.

The diagnosis of ME covers such a broad spectrum of symptoms it is crazy that they can band it all under the same name.

My specialist used to get me to rate my health in terms of % and it is something that has stuck in my mind and can be a useful tool to mark progress. As some of you will know I've not had the best 2018 health-wise so far suffering a pretty major set back at the start of the year. I'd say I am currently hovering around 55% but have been as low 25%. (I have now been staring at those numbers for 10 mins wondering if they are right, hmm)

I have only in the last month or so began to feel like I am participating in 2018 and not just watching it roll on by.

So yes, I am lucky.

But then on the flip side.

I took my girls this morning to a local Kwik cricket club. This was the first time they have shown any interest in the game and I was quite excited. Being there made me realise how much I miss playing the game and teaching others the skills. It also made me realise that I haven't even taught my kids how to throw and catch a tennis ball. But after standing in a field for an hour I was completely floored and fully reminded of why I can't do it.

There are when I think about it so many things that I miss doing.

But life evolves, you adapt to what you can do and try not to dwell on what you can't.

So yes, I am lucky.

Kickscoot The Coast - The Tortoise And The Hare

A year ago today I set off on my first big scoot, the beginning of an epic adventure!

I had no idea how far I would get nor how scooting that far would effect me physically.

That first scoot surpassed all expectations! 26 miles were achieved. Each scoot since has bought a different challenge be it map reading, steep hills, endurance, health, weather, but I have enjoyed every one and can't wait to get back out on that coastal path.

I had planned to get back out this week but bad weather and poor health have made me reconsider.

When doing any sort of fundraising with ME the fundraising advisor always reminds us not to over do it, not to push too hard, our health is more important.

I suffered a major health set back in January which I am still trying to claw my way back out of. Rest, rest and more rest is about all I can manage at the moment.

The scooter itself recently ticked over the 1000 mile mark (I use it day to day to get the kids to school, etc) and now has two lovely new tyres, new handlebars and a rear brake (for the first time ever!) So when I do set off again I will be significantly safer. 

I really do hope to get back out there on my scoot as soon as I can and I have absolutely no intention of giving up! I told my husband I wanted to complete this by the time I am 40, which gives me 7 more years 😉

Slow and steady, the tortoise will win this race.

Sport Relief

Today is sport relief day which means my kids had to choose a sporting hero to go to school as. 

Now being 6 & 8 and not having an overly sport loving family means they don't know any sports people never mind sports hero's.

Both girls have opted to go to school today as me. This is an interesting decision as I'm not a glowing example of sporting prowess. Well I'm not these days. But once upon a time...

Once upon a time I loved sport.

When I was a kid I would spend my weekends and holidays riding my bike, my skates, playing football, cricket or generally running around the countryside.

I found an intrigue for cricket at a very young age and a love for it as soon as I was old enough to play.

When I started secondary school I was already playing cricket for the Kent juniors.

I think I played 4 seasons for them, I am still very proud to be able to say I played for my county.

In those years I showed lots of promise in training and was excellent in the nets, sadly I never managed to transfer my skills to matches! I think I would have made a great coach.

However two of the other girls I played with through those years went onto have brilliant cricketing careers playing for England and taking them to many victories!

Through my secondary school years I played football, cricket and somewhat reluctantly hockey for the school teams. I found enjoyment in basketball and absolutely loved badminton.

You are probably expecting me to say that my ME made me give up on sport, but actually that isn't the case. Being a teenager made me give up on sport. Discovering a social life, getting a moped and finding life outside of the village. Who knows if I would have gone back to it had I not then fallen ill at 16.

I like to think I would.

As an adult I look back with fond memories as well as sadness that I no longer do any of these sports. It seems rather hard to do sports as an unfit adult. You can go so many things solo, go to the gym, do fitness classes, run and there are various teams for the dedicated, but I'm yet to find anything casual I could pop in and out of when my health allows.

Flare

I appear to be having what I am going to call an ME flare. Which I would say is worse than a crash but not as bad as a relapse.

I did far too much through December. I ignored the odd symptom that reared it's head and I pushed through. I did this because I was having a glimpse of a "normal" life and I wanted it to be mine. And now I really wish I hadn't!

I started feeling the onset of this "flare" before Christmas but I continued to push on. It wasn't until the kids went back to school that it has really begun to take hold. Three weeks on and I still feel like I am getting worse not better, I am getting different symptoms coming back everyday.

I have had enough of feeling sorry for myself. I have been utterly miserable the last few weeks. Feeling this illness grab a hold of me again, I can't even begin to describe how that feels, having been doing so well.

I have been beating myself up about it over and over again (which of course only makes it worse). One of the ways in which I've been beating myself up has been pushing my friends and any help offered away. I've been deliberately not engaging in conversation, avoiding eye contact. Partly because any sympathy offered is likely to make me cry and I don't have the energy for that!

But as I said I have had enough of feeling sorry for myself! I need to regain my positivity. Remember how to pace from square one again, how to look after myself. And most of all how to BEAT THIS!

I CAN DO THIS!

Send me strength and spoons x